First off let me tell you a little background. I am REALLY closely knit with my family. Like if anyone ever needs anything in our family they will help you in a heartbeat. We also joke around with each other a lot. We may tease each other a lot, but we mean it in the best. Many of our in laws don’t take to it so kindly however. But do we care? NO WAY. We are also the type that if something really bad happens to one of us, we drop everything and get over there to help best we can. I guess this is one of those times.
I am close with all my cousins, but I was really close with my cousin Jordan. He just got it. He could understand what I was going through and gave me the best advice. He was also very protective. However he was the type where he and I could talk about Professional Bull Riding (yes I do watch bull riding! GO JB MAUNEY!) and argue who was the best. Well in the end we would agree that Justin McBride was the ultimate. No matter how wild and crazy he was or how much stupid stuff he did, he was still the one that I looked up to. I am also really close with my cousins Andrea and Samantha. Andrea is the little sister of Jordan. The three of us are like inseparable. We are like the three amigos if that’s what you would call it. We are very different, yet very much the same. Sam is the sports/country girl and Andrea is more of an easy going rocker. We can talk to each other about anything and everything. We pretty much talk via text on a daily basis.
Now let’s go back to the day of May 24 of 2009. The day I will never forget. I wake up hearing my mom on the telephone saying things like, “how could this happen”, “how am I going to tell Lauren” and most of all “poor Mike.” Mike is my uncle and Jordan and Andrea’s dad. I just remember thinking, ‘Mike? What happened to Mike? Is he ok?’ That’s when I got that scary feeling on the inside. Where you know that something really bad has happened. You start playing in your head all the things that could have happened, when really you have absolutely no clue. Mom then gets off the phone, takes a big breath and comes into my room. By now I am white knuckling my pillow, praying something big hasn’t happened. Then the words hit my ears. “Lauren something has happened.” I burry my face in my pillow trying to soften the blow.
“Jordan was in an accident this morning.”
I sigh, look up and say, “What kind of a mess did he get himself into this time? Is he hurt really badly? How bad is his truck beet up? No matter, I will just call Andrea or Samantha and get the details.”
She then takes my hands and says, “Lauren, Jordan didn’t make it. He didn’t survive the accident.”
I was in complete disbelief. My words exactly were, “No. this didn’t happen. He’s just playing a trick. He’s not dead!” It all hit me as soon as we came to my grandma’s house. As soon as I walked in I caught sight my uncles face. He looked so upset. I have never seen him cry before this. In my family, you never cry unless something really bad has happened. That’s when I broke down. I learned that my cousin Andrea had been in the cities with her friends when she found out. One of my other uncles had to drive up and get her because they were afraid of her driving herself. With the days following my cousins Andrea, Samantha and I were fully immersed in what was happening. We talked about it, cried and talked about happy times, but we couldn’t get passed the void.
As we later found out more about the accident, the more it hurt. They say having closure helps families deal with loss, but for me at the time, it just dug me into a deeper hole emotionally. We learned that he and some friends had been out partying and drinking. They all thought that they/my cousin would be ok to drive home. It still is unclear as to whether or not he or his friend was driving. All we know is that his friends were sleeping in the back and that my cousin was either in the passenger or the driver’s seat. None of them were wearing seatbelts and whoever was driving took the turn to hard and lost control of the wheel. My cousin’s body was thrown out the passenger’s side windshield. Then where his body lay his GMC truck fell on top of him from the waist down. His friends climbed out of the car and pulled the truck off of him. While one friend stayed with him, the others ran to a nearby house to call 911. By 4:00am he was pronounced dead at the scene.
This hurt so much that just mentioning the accident that I would burst into tears. I just felt this huge irreplaceable void in my heart. It got so bad that I had these horrifying dreams either about him, the accident or something evil every night for about four months. Like I would place myself in the accident. One of the ones I remember was when I was one of the people at the party and Jordan was about to get into his car to drive home. I just kept begging and pleading that he not get in. I would like grab his arm and he would have to like drag me to his car. Somehow he always seemed to slip into his car and drive away while I was sobbing for him not to go. I would try to stay awake in the wee hours of the morning and still get up at six just so that I would not have these dreams. I felt like my life had no purpose anymore. Like I was just taking up space in this world. When I would come home from the barn I wouldn’t even eat supper or anything. I just stayed in my room all night. I felt like there was this huge pit in my tummy that made me never get hungry. Mom kept telling me to eat, but I would only eat a few bites. I kept asking God for a sign of something good. With lots of perseverance, God did give me something good that I needed, Daisy.
It wasn’t until the day I met Daisy that I slowly began to get better. Sure our relationship started out really rocky, but she gave me a purpose in life. I felt like I was important again. I felt that she needed me. I think it is safe to say that she was heaven sent. We needed each other. She listens to me and even though she cannot speak, I know she understands. She is the first to meet me and the last to send me off at the gate. She’s trusting and forgiving. She’s a spitfire and stubborn little girl, but she tries with all she has. She is so willing to please that if we are working on something, if she won’t do it she will try other things just to please me. She doesn’t beg for treats because she knows that she will get some anyway. She made me reach deep within myself and find my inner strength. To not run away from my fears. To grab life by the horns.
God only knows where I would be if I had never met Daisy. However I know that without her I am not complete. She is like my other half. Even though Jordan has gone to heaven, I feel one step closer to him and heaven when I am with Daisy!
As best said by Vince Gill in his song “Go rest high on the mountain”:
“Go rest high on that mountain
Son, you work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son”
Jordan S. Murphy
August 17, 1987- May 24, 2009
~MISS YOU COWBOY~
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